Time for an Update - caution, a little sad

It's been quite a while since I've posted an update - part lack of motivation, part no time, part not sure how much to update.  So, I'll update briefly on what I wasn't sure I'd share (but decided that it's something that I want to look back on in context to where we are as a family and I want it here).

I found out that I was pregnant a couple days after we returned from our NY Finger Lakes trip in October.  We had a 6 week check and ultrasound on 11/16 and saw the baby bean, a strong heartbeat and all seemed to be going well.  I was feeling pregnant and sick as a dog.  Then sometime the week after Thanksgiving I noticed I wasn't feeling quite as sick.  We had a 9 week check/ultrasound scheduled for that Thursday (12/3) and as soon as I saw the baby on the screen, I could see there was no heartbeat.  If you've ever seen a baby/fetus on ultrasound, as early as 5 or 6 weeks you can see the flicking white beat of the heart. I think my doctor was just as crushed as we were (we had a miscarriage in June too and Dr. G is such a dear and she felt so positive after we saw the 6w heartbeat this time).

My body did not take care of business naturally this time, so I had "the procedure" yesterday afternoon. No complications, everything went smoothly.  I get sad when I think about the baby beaner - but overall doing well.
One of the worst parts about yesterday was having to go ALL day without any food or water (the other worst part was being taxied down the very long hallway to the operating room - I didn't care for that).  The procedure wasn't until 4pm.  By noon I was dying for food.  I was even hallucinating when they rolled me into the OR - the basket full of surgical sponges looked like big chunks of cheddar cheese (the nurses thought that was hysterical so I zonked out with them laughing at me).  Margie and I stopped and got HUGE gyros on the way home and soon after I crawled into bed for the night. I fell asleep last night with Ella snuggled by my side and that was probably the best therapy of all after such a day.

Today I feel kinda like I've been beaten with a stick but overall okay.  I've had some time to cry, to sleep, to eat! and lots of laundry to distract me when needed.  It's an odd mix of grief and profound gratitude for the blessings that we have in our life.

Man never made any material as resilient as the human spirit.

- Bernard Williams