The Biggest News

I have a ton to update from the last few weeks but the biggest news of most recent is that we have a new baby in the family!
Barrett Timothy was born on Friday October 14th to Sarah and Brian (proud grandparents - Margie and Tim :)

he is a doll...8 lbs 15 oz, 20 inches long. 

Yeah - he's got "spoiled" written all over him!! :)

Memorial Services and Scattering of Ashes

We spent last Saturday through Wednesday in New York, spending time with the family, planning and attending the memorial services and working on cleaning out the cabin (sadly). An incredibly sad, emotional time all around, but there was a lot of love and laughter flowing too. The services were held at the new American Legion in T-burg (because Jim said there would be plenty of parking).  There were pizzas, cheese and veggie platters - his favorites.
There was a table displaying his Hawaiian shirt, a favorite photo, his ashes, the family Bible, his (chiropractic) activator and of course...his bright orange Crocs.

Many Hawaiian shirts were worn by friends and family - as he would have loved!

Amanda and Aunt Wendy made 4 large photo boards that told the story of his life - they did a fantastic job. It was wonderful to see him from an infant to his last days.  Pictures that he had wanted taken with each of the grandchildren when we were there at the beginning of November, photos of him at our weddings, holding the infant grandkids, as a young professional (in his corduroy suit with vest :) , making his funny faces...

Jim had chosen 2 ministers that he wanted to participate in the services.  They knew him well and really personalized their words for him, talked of his spirituality, how he loved to ask questions and of their conversations with him up to the end.  He wasn't afraid of death.

Uncle Bill spoke for the family, told some very amusing stories to verify just how ornery Jim was (Uncle Bill and Jim were college roommates and have been the best of friends for 42 years). Even as recently as several years ago, Jim was pulling pranks that, when didn't go quite as planned, had law enforcement involved :)

The most moving eulogy was given by Shawn, and by "moving", I mean "inducing gut wrenching sobs".  He very eloquently (between his own sobs) told of the father he knew, the incredible work ethic that Jim had (as witnessed not just by his patients, but by us "kids" that would ask him to come and help with home projects, which he'd work relentlessly on until the job was done) and most importantly, the grandfather that our children knew.  When Shawn had asked his dad about any regrets in life - Jim's only is that he won't be there for all the special events in the kids' lives - their graduations, weddings, birthdays, the visits that we've come to look forward to and love.  During our last visit at hospice over Thanksgiving, I was standing outside Grandpa J's room as he was saying goodbye to the OH and RI grandkids - I watched as he reached up and touched each of them on the side of the face as his goodbye, since he no longer had a voice. He was so proud of his kids and their families, just ask any one of his patients -  at the services, they knew the grandkids by face and name because of all the photos plastered at the office and how much he talked about them.

The grandkids each placed a single yellow rose on Grandpa J's shirt.

We sang a couple (poorly executed) hymns (I think he would have found it amusing just how poorly we sing!) and at his request, I'm Coming Home from the Rocky Horror Picture Show was played.  When asked if anyone had something that they would like to say, neighbors, friends and patients stood and spoke - many, many of them in fact.  They shared funny stories, stories that attested to his supreme dedication to his patients...and many stories about his Hawaiian shirts and Dollar Store purchases (you probably don't have any idea how cheap he was unless you have tried to wash your hair with his watered down Sauve shampoo). I think that (for once) he would have been speechless if he had heard the outpouring of love and the memories shared.

After the services, we all went to one of his favorite restaurants - Jerlando's.  Well known for their delicious garlic knots!

On Monday, we all met at the cabin and had a family "memorial".  We took Jim's ashes and (in temps of about 7 degrees with the windchill!) scattered them around his property. We each told a memory or story as we took turns ladling the ashes out and tossing them. Unfortunately, due to the wind and bad aim...some of the kids ended up wearing Grandpa J ashes in their hoods, hair, stuck to snow covered knees...

We walked down by the pond...

 and scattered in and around...

   Next, his beloved barn...

And throughout his apple and fruit trees...

 And in the pasture with Rosie and the goats...

And again, what a mixture of laughter and tears.  So many funny stories mixed with the tangible void that his absence will leave.

It was so hard to drive away on Wednesday, to leave the family, the cabin that we may never see again. The drive home was long and snowy and long (did I mention LONG?).
Unwinding when we were finally home, I started looking at some of the pictures of our family, which he had in his office. Stuck in between 2 of the pictures was a sheet of paper that had been faxed to him recently.  It read:

View me no more in Sorrow

Seek me no more in Grief

I'll come to you on the 'morrow

And bring your heart relief.

Walk with me past the sunset;

Fly with me to the moon.

Hand in hand through the starlight,

Comfort shall come to you soon.

I'm leaving to dance with the angels;

My time for this pain is at end.

I'll meet you again by the Rainbow.

From Heaven to you it shall bend.

My heart never knew such compassion,

But pity no more should you waste...

For brilliant tomorrows await me -

In angels sweet arms I've been placed.

~

Rest in Peace Grandpa J - and may your spirit carry on with us every day...

Happy Thanksgiving and Simple Blessings

She said she usually cried at least once each day not because she was sad, but because the world was so beautiful & life was so short. {story people} 

9AM:
Thanksgiving this year is quite a bit different for us. We usually host at our house with my entire family and Grandpa J and Amanda come to OH to join us.  The morning usually starts with Justin getting the turkey prepped and in the oven while I begin the frantic cleaning and pick-up, making last minute side dishes and trying to get the kids interested in watching the Macy's Day parade (they always get bored).
This year, we're in New York. We are spending it with 99% of the family (we're missing the AZ Youngers).  We will cook the meal at the cabin and then take it to the hospice house so that we can spend the day with Jim. The list of what we are thankful for really takes new meaning. There is a sign over a doorway in the house that we are staying in that reads "Simple Blessings"....like the big, fat snow flakes that fell this morning before eventually turning into rain. 

11PM:
The best blessing of the day was seeing Jim smile ear to ear, over something funny when several of us were talking.  I have not seen that smile in months.  I wish I could freeze it in time.  The day was wonderful - chaotic and fun.  The folks at the hospice house were wonderful.  Warm and accommodating of us people invading the space. They had everything set up and waiting.  We made SO much food we could have easily taken care of about 30 more people. The cousins had a ball together, everyone got to go in and spend time in Grandpa J's room.  He must be thoroughly exhausted after all the visiting yesterday and today.
I love the fleeting and unassuming moments - that smile, overhearing the conversation of 2 preschoolers and their take on life, the coziness of being inside now while the sleet/rain is pounding away outside. I love that even in a time of impending grief, that we can laugh, enjoy being together and have fun.
I'm happy that Mas got to show his grandpa his class ring that we picked up on Monday.  He had Jim's "Grandpa J" signature inscribed on the inside of the ring (from his last birthday card). 

From my favorite poet:

Thanksgiving - by Ella Wheeler Wilcox (1896)

We walk on starry fields of white
   And do not see the daisies;
For blessings common in our sight
   We rarely offer praises.
We sigh for some supreme delight
   To crown our lives with splendor,
And quite ignore our daily store
   Of pleasures sweet and tender.

Our cares are bold and push their way
   Upon our thought and feeling.
They hang about us all the day,
   Our time from pleasure stealing.
So unobtrusive many a joy
   We pass by and forget it,
But worry strives to own our lives
   And conquers if we let it.

There’s not a day in all the year
   But holds some hidden pleasure,
And looking back, joys oft appear
   To brim the past’s wide measure.
But blessings are like friends I hold,
   Who love and labor near us.
We ought to raise our notes of praise
   While living hearts can hear us.

Full many a blessing wears the guise
   Of worry or of trouble.
Farseeing is the soul and wise
   Who knows the mask is double.
But he who has the faith and strength
   To thank his God for sorrow
Has found a joy without alloy
   To gladden every morrow.

We ought to make the moments notes
   Of happy, glad Thanksgiving;
The hours and days a silent phrase
   Of music we are living.
And so the theme should swell and grow
   As weeks and months pass o’er us,
And rise sublime at this good time,
   A grand Thanksgiving chorus.

 ~

  

The simple blessings make me happy - and oh so very Thankful.

Time for an Update - caution, a little sad

It's been quite a while since I've posted an update - part lack of motivation, part no time, part not sure how much to update.  So, I'll update briefly on what I wasn't sure I'd share (but decided that it's something that I want to look back on in context to where we are as a family and I want it here).

I found out that I was pregnant a couple days after we returned from our NY Finger Lakes trip in October.  We had a 6 week check and ultrasound on 11/16 and saw the baby bean, a strong heartbeat and all seemed to be going well.  I was feeling pregnant and sick as a dog.  Then sometime the week after Thanksgiving I noticed I wasn't feeling quite as sick.  We had a 9 week check/ultrasound scheduled for that Thursday (12/3) and as soon as I saw the baby on the screen, I could see there was no heartbeat.  If you've ever seen a baby/fetus on ultrasound, as early as 5 or 6 weeks you can see the flicking white beat of the heart. I think my doctor was just as crushed as we were (we had a miscarriage in June too and Dr. G is such a dear and she felt so positive after we saw the 6w heartbeat this time).

My body did not take care of business naturally this time, so I had "the procedure" yesterday afternoon. No complications, everything went smoothly.  I get sad when I think about the baby beaner - but overall doing well.
One of the worst parts about yesterday was having to go ALL day without any food or water (the other worst part was being taxied down the very long hallway to the operating room - I didn't care for that).  The procedure wasn't until 4pm.  By noon I was dying for food.  I was even hallucinating when they rolled me into the OR - the basket full of surgical sponges looked like big chunks of cheddar cheese (the nurses thought that was hysterical so I zonked out with them laughing at me).  Margie and I stopped and got HUGE gyros on the way home and soon after I crawled into bed for the night. I fell asleep last night with Ella snuggled by my side and that was probably the best therapy of all after such a day.

Today I feel kinda like I've been beaten with a stick but overall okay.  I've had some time to cry, to sleep, to eat! and lots of laundry to distract me when needed.  It's an odd mix of grief and profound gratitude for the blessings that we have in our life.

Man never made any material as resilient as the human spirit.

- Bernard Williams

 

You KNOW It's a Good Thanksgiving When...

the phrase "there is a testicle caught in my throat" is used at the dinner table that your mother is also sitting at.  All I can say is that it involved my sister (Lisa) who had recently eaten calamari for the first time and apparently got the words "testicle" and "tentacle" confused. Maybe it was a boy squid...dunno.  Either way, it made for a great laugh. 

We had the Thanksgiving gathering at our house again this year.  It generally consists about about 30 adults and children.  Quite the madhouse but so much fun.  Justin makes a delicious turkey, stuffing and gravy and the rest of us fill in with an array of side dishes (and of course desserts!).  
Oh and we had a new delicacy this year:

We really missed having our NY Youngers (Grandpa Jim and Aunt Amanda) here this year like we usually do.  Hopefully they will get to visit us before or around Christmas.  

There is much to be THANKFUL for this year (as always).   Healthy kids, family and friends topping the list. Job stability in a very uncertain economy is another. I've really seen a lot of folks out there struggling over the last year with the death of loved ones, loss of a job, ailing parents, sick children - and I know every day, not just on Thanksgiving, just how blessed we are.  And it is wonderful to take the day and share it with the family and all be Thankful together.