It's a Glamourous Life - Yes it is!

I lead a glamorous life - don't let the flip flops and pony tail fool you.  I am an accomplished professional and I work hard (some days). I am a V.I.P. I have many very important meetings and calls.  Many of those via conference calls with more VIPs.  And I'm fortunate to get to do most of this from my home.  It's the best of both worlds - RIGHT? Today was a day though that I cursed this arrangement.

I was on a conference call with the other VIPs and we were talking about (obviously) VITs (very important things).  I am talking to the VIPs and giving my updates on all the VITs that I had accomplished over the last week (like trying to get my head out of the sand after vacation).   I hear a tiny little voice saying "I'm done mommy!"  No problem. I have wiped butts while on these VICs (very important calls) before. I can still be professional and wipe behinds at the same time.

I poke my head in the bathroom, hold my finger up to Silas and say "just a minute" and I finish up with my update. About 30 seconds later I hear hysterical yelling coming from the bathroom. Luckily I had muted the phone after I finished talking (God bless the inventor of the MUTE button!). I run in to find Silas sitting on the potty but pointing in yelling "my TOY! my TOY has fallen into the potty!!!!".

Sure enough, I look in and see one Diego Baby Jaguar sunk in the toilet...among the poo. I semi-freak out - this is NOT in the VIP job description! - give Silas one heck of an evil eye and double check the mute button before screaming at him as to WHY does he have a toy in the bathroom?!  and how he's not going to be able to sit down to potty again for a month after I spank his (post-wiped) behind!!

I'm still trying to listen in on this call because there are a lot of questions flying around and I know I'll be asked something. I'm also faced with this dilemma of wiping or not wiping, because if I wipe, I have to put the paper in the toilet on top of the toy, and if I don't...well, that's gross.

The other dilemma is how to get the damn toy out of the poopy potty.  I'm sure as heck not sticking my hand in there. Putting a spoon or other utensil in there is disgusting. I've already threatened to flush it, which sent Silas into hysterics again and I know would send Justin into hysterics too if he had to snake the toilet to unclog it.
All the while as I'm assessing the situation, I'm also un-muting the phone to answer questions, re-muting to do the quiet screaming and finger pointing at Silas.

I end up with the only thing that I can think of at the moment: chopsticks.  I get the chopsticks from the kitchen drawer and fish away in the poopy toilet to save baby Jaguar.  I'm not very good with chopsticks under normal, non-disgusting circumstances - so imagine...

At some point while I'm washing and rewashing my hands, I realize that the mute is no longer on...somewhere along the way I forgot to reMUTE and have no idea how much "poop" "spanking your BEHIND" "how could you do this to me?" or gagging the VIPs heard while on our VIC.


In the end, Mommy saved baby Jaguar from the sewers, the hardwood floors from overflowing poop water and Silas got his behind wiped (I think) and didn't lose his beloved toy.

And at least I don't have to dress up and wear heels to work!

It's only funny....

Until stool sample collection is required...

Silas has had diarrhea since Friday or Saturday - I called the doctor, told them about the turtle tank water drinking incident and they want to test for salmonella. If it tests positive, they will retest in a couple weeks to make sure it goes away (it should clear out of the system by itself).
Dr. W (aka Mr. Rogers) was really grossed out by Si drinking the water - apparently this is a first in the office.

So, we stopped and got the poop kit yesterday and now we're just waiting around to catch some and drop it off at the doctor's office.

Aren't you glad you read this blog?