We spent last Saturday through Wednesday in New York, spending time with the family, planning and attending the memorial services and working on cleaning out the cabin (sadly). An incredibly sad, emotional time all around, but there was a lot of love and laughter flowing too. The services were held at the new American Legion in T-burg (because Jim said there would be plenty of parking). There were pizzas, cheese and veggie platters - his favorites.
There was a table displaying his Hawaiian shirt, a favorite photo, his ashes, the family Bible, his (chiropractic) activator and of course...his bright orange Crocs.
Many Hawaiian shirts were worn by friends and family - as he would have loved!
Amanda and Aunt Wendy made 4 large photo boards that told the story of his life - they did a fantastic job. It was wonderful to see him from an infant to his last days. Pictures that he had wanted taken with each of the grandchildren when we were there at the beginning of November, photos of him at our weddings, holding the infant grandkids, as a young professional (in his corduroy suit with vest :) , making his funny faces...
Jim had chosen 2 ministers that he wanted to participate in the services. They knew him well and really personalized their words for him, talked of his spirituality, how he loved to ask questions and of their conversations with him up to the end. He wasn't afraid of death.
Uncle Bill spoke for the family, told some very amusing stories to verify just how ornery Jim was (Uncle Bill and Jim were college roommates and have been the best of friends for 42 years). Even as recently as several years ago, Jim was pulling pranks that, when didn't go quite as planned, had law enforcement involved :)
The most moving eulogy was given by Shawn, and by "moving", I mean "inducing gut wrenching sobs". He very eloquently (between his own sobs) told of the father he knew, the incredible work ethic that Jim had (as witnessed not just by his patients, but by us "kids" that would ask him to come and help with home projects, which he'd work relentlessly on until the job was done) and most importantly, the grandfather that our children knew. When Shawn had asked his dad about any regrets in life - Jim's only is that he won't be there for all the special events in the kids' lives - their graduations, weddings, birthdays, the visits that we've come to look forward to and love. During our last visit at hospice over Thanksgiving, I was standing outside Grandpa J's room as he was saying goodbye to the OH and RI grandkids - I watched as he reached up and touched each of them on the side of the face as his goodbye, since he no longer had a voice. He was so proud of his kids and their families, just ask any one of his patients - at the services, they knew the grandkids by face and name because of all the photos plastered at the office and how much he talked about them.
The grandkids each placed a single yellow rose on Grandpa J's shirt.
We sang a couple (poorly executed) hymns (I think he would have found it amusing just how poorly we sing!) and at his request,
I'm Coming Home from the Rocky Horror Picture Show was played. When asked if anyone had something that they would like to say, neighbors, friends and patients stood and spoke - many, many of them in fact. They shared funny stories, stories that attested to his supreme dedication to his patients...and many stories about his Hawaiian shirts and Dollar Store purchases (you probably don't have any idea how cheap he was unless you have tried to wash your hair with his watered down Sauve shampoo). I think that (for once) he would have been speechless if he had heard the outpouring of love and the memories shared.
After the services, we all went to one of his favorite restaurants - Jerlando's. Well known for their delicious garlic knots!
On Monday, we all met at the cabin and had a family "memorial". We took Jim's ashes and (in temps of about 7 degrees with the windchill!) scattered them around his property. We each told a memory or story as we took turns ladling the ashes out and tossing them. Unfortunately, due to the wind and bad aim...some of the kids ended up wearing Grandpa J ashes in their hoods, hair, stuck to snow covered knees...
We walked down by the pond...
and scattered in and around...
Next, his beloved barn...
And throughout his apple and fruit trees...
And in the pasture with Rosie and the goats...
And again, what a mixture of laughter and tears. So many funny stories mixed with the tangible void that his absence will leave.
It was so hard to drive away on Wednesday, to leave the family, the cabin that we may never see again. The drive home was long and snowy and long (did I mention LONG?).
Unwinding when we were finally home, I started looking at some of the pictures of our family, which he had in his office. Stuck in between 2 of the pictures was a sheet of paper that had been faxed to him recently. It read:
View me no more in Sorrow
Seek me no more in Grief
I'll come to you on the 'morrow
And bring your heart relief.
Walk with me past the sunset;
Fly with me to the moon.
Hand in hand through the starlight,
Comfort shall come to you soon.
I'm leaving to dance with the angels;
My time for this pain is at end.
I'll meet you again by the Rainbow.
From Heaven to you it shall bend.
My heart never knew such compassion,
But pity no more should you waste...
For brilliant tomorrows await me -
In angels sweet arms I've been placed.
~
Rest in Peace Grandpa J - and may your spirit carry on with us every day...
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